The Debate
Four Score and Yesterday, there was a Debate of epic proportions. It may have gone unnoticed and unwatched by many, but it was, rest assured, the Debate of our lifetimes.
For in this Debate of Debates, it was decided once and for all that Aquatic Cheese Crackers, or ACC as we will now call them, will forever and from this time forth be the superior snack, far exceeding those Square Cheese Crackers (SCC).
Now, before you jump from your chairs in protest, please allow me to explain.
Some weeks ago the Farmer’s Wife was holding her Sunday School class–as in the class that meets on Sundays. Her usual pupils were all absent, save one. In their places sat an older crowd, several well known and known well to and by the Farmer’s Wife.
In the course of time the conversation shifted, as conversations often do on Sunday Mornings in a class where all the pupils are absent (save one) and thereby replaced with their older, and occasionally wiser counterparts.
An ACC (Aquatic Cheese Cracker) had just been placed before each and that was that.
It had begun.
“You know what’s really good?’ said one. “Square Cheese Crackers.”
“You truly cannot be serious!” cried the other.
And before serious became serious indeed, the Farmer’s Wife interceded by suggesting a Debate to be held in two weeks time, giving both parties ample opportunity to prepare their arguments.
And so they did. The grand day finally arrived and it was Yesterday.
(Of course, the Farmer’s Wife was the Moderator.)
“As you all know,” the Farmer’s Wife said to all gathered there who were squirming in their chairs in anticipation. “The Debate is about to begin, in which the Truth of our lifetimes will be decided. The audience is expected to listen quietly.” (At this point, Jacob, the biggest squirmer of all was eyed severely), “Except for this moment, as we welcome our Debaters.”
Loud whoops and hollers and a few polite claps greeted the two point-makers who made their way to the front of the room.
“It has been stated by yourself that ACC are the superior Snack. Are you prepared to defend your claim?” the Farmer’s Wife asked the first.
“I am,” she replied and did. Those present heard a thrilling tale of a Snack available in thirty-four different flavors, both sweet and savory, of a Snack tasted and enjoyed in forty-five countries, and even in Space!
Her opponent was obviously stricken and overwhelmed by the deluge of information and waited anxiously for the one hundred and twenty seconds to be over.
The Farmer’s Wife looked to him. “And now. You have stated that SCC is better–are you prepared to defend that?”
He swallowed thickly. “I am.”
Everyone leaned forward, wondering, hoping that he stood a chance. And he did. Those there learned that while SCC may not be sold in forty-five countries, it was sold in this one, this great country of ours, and that while it did not have thirty-four different flavors, the flavors it did have were far superior. The Orator did, however, have to concede that being in Space was pretty cool.
“But wait!” he cried, forgetting his audience. “ACC is for children! My cracker, the very best cracker, is for Adults!”
The audience looked from one to the other, and seeing that they were children, chose to vote that way.
The Final Vote: ACC 6, SCC 2.
But, before you pound your fists and stomp your feet, know this:
When snack was passed out a short time later, it was a small red bag with the letters SCC emblazoned on top, and not a single child (or adult) made one word, statement, or argument against it.
